Teasers to Lovecraft: Tim Lebbon

Letters to Lovecraft is our newest genre-blending anthology of original fiction, and as a holiday treat to our readers we’ll be posting excerpts from each of the stories. As the death knell for 2014 tolls out across the world, we bring you a glimpse of Tim Lebbon’s “The Lonely Wood.” By placing a grieving atheist in a house of God, Lebbon poses a philosophical question that underpins both religion and cosmic horror: which is more terrifying, the idea that we’re alone in this universe, or that we’re not?


He opened his eyes. Above him was St Paul’s huge dome, the Whispering Gallery encircling it at a lower level. There were several people up there now leaning on the handrail, looking down, swallowing up the transcendent song rising to them. On the walls lower down were immense paintings or mosaics of the four disciples that had supposedly written the Gospels.

“Come on, then,” Guy muttered, surprising himself. He had no wish to disturb the music, but something was settling around him. At first it was a playful notion, an idea that if he was ever to receive the touch of Christ, or to find his heart opened to the God he had never believed in, now would be the time. He’d never thought himself an on-the-fence doubter, was comfortable in his convinced unbelief. Yet he’d often had that discussion with Marie — If God exists, why doesn’t he just tap me on the shoulder and show me the smallest sign?

“Come on, here I am,” he whispered. “Do your worst. Do your best. Just do anything.”

Proof denies Faith, was always her reply.

Why?

“I’m waiting.”

Nothing happened. Guy chuckled. Of course not. He stared up at the amazing ceilings above him, the incredible artwork, and marvelled at the dedication and commitment of those who had created it hundreds of years before. To build this place now would be almost impossible. The cost would be into the hundreds of millions, the skills all but vanished in a time of steel-and-glass altars to commerce and excess.

And suddenly, in that place of wonder and grandiosity, he felt a flush of disgust. How many lives had been lost building this place? He doubted they were even recorded. How much money spent while the rest of London had lived in conditions of poverty, filth, and plague? The true cost of places such as this was never known. The music and singing soared, and it felt like the only pure thing. He appreciated the beauty of the architecture, but he could no longer admire it.

Guy stood, chair legs sliding against the floor. One of the choir girls glanced at him — it must have been the sudden movement, she can’t have heard his chair move from that far away — and he tried to smile. But she had already turned back to her music sheets.

The conductor waved, body jerking like a marionette.

The organ groaned and moaned, exhalations of distress given wonder.
Guy turned his back on the choir and walked away. He headed for the front of the cathedral and the impossibly high doors which were only used when important people came. Not people like him. But somehow he drifted to the left, and then he found himself at the entrance to the staircase that wound its way up into St Paul’s massive dome, and the famous Whispering Gallery it contained…

For the rest, get Letters to Lovecraft from Stone Skin Press.


Tim Lebbon is a New York Times–bestselling horror and fantasy writer from South Wales. He’s had almost thirty novels published to date, as well as dozens of novellas and hundreds of short stories. His most recent releases include the apocalyptic Coldbrook, Into the Void: Dawn of the Jedi from Del Rey / Star Wars Books, The Cabin in the Woods novelization, the Toxic City trilogy from Pyr in the USA and the official Alien tie-in novel Out of the Shadows.

Future novels include The Silence (Titan UK/USA). He has won four British Fantasy Awards, a Bram Stoker Award and a Scribe Award, and has been a finalist for World Fantasy, International Horror Guild and Shirley Jackson Awards.

Twentieth Century Fox acquired film rights to The Secret Journeys of Jack London series (coauthored with Christopher Golden), and a TV series of his Toxic City trilogy is in development. His script Playtime (with Stephen Volk) is currently being developed in the UK.

Find out more about Tim at his website www.timlebbon.net

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Teasers to Lovecraft: Stephen Graham Jones

Letters to Lovecraft is our newest genre-blending anthology of original fiction, and as a holiday treat to our readers we’ll be posting excerpts from each of the stories. Today we’ve got a little bit of downhome weirdness courtesy of Stephen Graham Jones’ “Doc’s Story,” and you can bet your bottom dollar this ain’t no shaggy dog tale…


My grandfather was a werewolf.

Not by the time I knew him — transforming at his age would have been a death sentence — but my Aunt Libby and Uncle Darren had stories. Grandpa halfway up an old wooden windmill, howling at the moon, swiping at it with his claws. Grandpa on the porch one morning after two nights gone, his man-chin caked with blood, his whiskers not grown in like you’d think, him having run off into the woods without a razor.

When the hair pulls back in to wrap around your bones or wherever it goes, it’s like a reset button, I guess. If you had a beard before, you’ll wake without one.

One of those mornings, he had to go into town to the doctor, though.

Another thing you don’t expect is the bugs. If it’s summer or even a late fall without a hard enough freeze yet, the insects’ll still be crawling, and if you pull a deer down, then, well, ticks, they just care that you’ve got warm, drinkable blood, and can’t reach all your scratchy places.

What my Aunt Libby figured happened was that, while Grandpa was rooting around in the slit-open belly of a fat deer, one of that deer’s ticks jumped ship, went to where the beating heart was.

It wasn’t Lyme disease that sent Grandpa to the doctor, though. Wolfed out, his system probably could have kicked smallpox.

No, what sent him to town was that tick. When Grandpa fell to sleep on the porch, and his hair started slithering back into its pores, that tick was a cartoon character, climbing a tree that was sinking into the ground as fast it could climb, and then just riding that hair down.

It impacted itself in one of the wide pores on the back of Grandpa’s arm, just under the shoulder. If it hadn’t been headfirst, then it would have starved, shriveled up, turned to dirt.

Headfirst like it was, though, it could slurp and slurp and slurp…

For the rest, get Letters to Lovecraft from Stone Skin Press.


Stephen Graham Jones is the author of sixteen novels, six story collections, two novellas and a hundred and seventy or so stories in magazines (Weird Tales, Cemetery Dance, Clarkesworld, Asimov’s, Prairie Schooner), anthologies (The Weird, Creatures, Fearful Symmetries), and multiple best-of-the-year annuals. Stephen’s been a Bram Stoker Award finalist, a Shirley Jackson Award finalist, and a Colorado Book Award finalist, and has won the Texas Institute of Letters Award for Fiction, the Independent Publisher Book Award for Multicultural Fiction, This is Horror’s Novel of the Year and an NEA fellowship. Stephen lives in Boulder, Colorado, with his wife and kids and various old trucks, and teaches in the MFA programs at CU-Boulder and UCR Palm Desert. More @SGJ72 and demontheory.net.

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Teasers to Lovecraft: Livia Llewellyn

Letters to Lovecraft is our newest genre-blending anthology of original fiction, and as a holiday treat to our readers we’ll be posting excerpts from each of the stories. For Boxing Day we bring you Livia Llewellyn’s nightmarish “Allochthon,” a family outing the likes of which you’ll never forget…


Henry walks into the room and grabs his coat, motioning for her to do the same. Ruth clenches her jaw and closes the scrapbook. Once again, she’s made a promise she doesn’t want to keep. But she doesn’t care enough to speak her mind, and, anyway, it’s time to go.

Their next-door neighbor steers his rusting car down the dirt road, past the edges of the town and onto the makeshift highway. His car is one of many, a caravan of beat-up trucks and buggies and jalopies. Ruth sits in the back seat with a basket of rolls on her lap, next to the other wife. It started earlier in the week as an informal suggestion over a session of grocery shopping and gossip by some of the women, and now almost forty people are going. A weekend escape from the routine of their dreary lives to a small park further down the Columbia River. The park is far from the massive lock and dam construction site, the largest in the world, which within the decade will throttle the river’s power into useful submission. The wives will set up the picnic, a potluck of whatever they can afford to offer, while they gossip and look after the children. The men will eat and drink, complain about their women and their jobs and the general rotten state of affairs across the land, and then they’ll climb a trail over eight-hundred-feet high, to the top of an ancient volcanic core known as Beacon Rock.

The company wife speaks in an endless paragraph, animate and excited. Billie or Betty or Becky, some childish, interchangeable name. She’s four months pregnant and endlessly, vocally grateful that her husband found work on a WPA project when so many in the country are doing without. Something about the Depression. Something about the town. Something about schools. Ruth can’t be bothered. She bares her teeth, nods her head, makes those ridiculous clucking sounds like the other wives would, all those bitches with airs. Two hours of this passes, the unnatural rattle and groan of the engines, the monotonous roll of pine-covered hills. The image of the palm tree has fled her mind. It’s only her on the lawn, alone, under the unhinged jaw of the sky. Something about dresses. Something about the picnic. Something about a cave —

Ruth snaps to attention. There is a map in her hands, a crude drawing of what looks like a jagged-topped egg covered in zigzagging lines. This is the trail the men are going to take, the wife is explaining. Over fifty switchbacks. A labyrinth, a maze. The caravan has stopped. Ruth rubs her eyes. She’s used to this, these hitches of lost time. Monotonous life, gloriously washed away in the backwater tides of her waking dreams. She stumbles out of the car, swaying as she clutches the door. The world has been reduced to an iron grey bowl of silence and vertigo, contained yet infinite. Mountains and space and sky, all around, with the river diminished to a soft mosquito’s whine. Nausea swells at the back of her throat, and a faint, pain-tinged ringing floods her ears. She feels drunk, unmoored. Somewhere, Henry is telling her to turn, to look. There it is, he’s saying, as he tugs her sleeve like a child. Ruth spirals around, her tearing eyes searching, searching the horizon, until finally she —

Something about —

For the rest, get Letters to Lovecraft from Stone Skin Press.

 


Livia Llewellyn is a writer of dark fantasy, horror and erotica. A 2006 graduate of Clarion, her fiction has appeared in ChiZine, Subterranean, Sybil’s Garage, Pseudopod, Apex Magazine, Postscripts, Nightmare Magazine and numerous anthologies. Her first collection, Engines of Desire: Tales of Love & Other Horrors, was published in 2011 by Lethe Press. Engines received a nomination for the Shirley Jackson Award for Best Collection, and “Omphalos” received a Best Novelette nomination. You can find her online at liviallewellyn.com.

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Teasers to Lovecraft: Paul Tremblay

Letters to Lovecraft is our newest genre-blending anthology of original fiction, and as a holiday treat to our readers we’ll be posting excerpts from each of the stories. Today we bring you “______” by Paul Tremblay, which starts out as a literal day at the beach before the arrival of an attractive and overly-familiar stranger casts a pall over the afternoon. Tremblay brilliantly conveys how sometimes the scariest thing in the world isn’t an alien horror or a bloody-handed maniac or even losing control over our own bodies, it’s how eagerly we sometimes stick our hands into a bees nest, even when we really ought to know better…


I say, “I’m going to ignore that creepy but accurate remark. And I can honestly say I do not wish to be eighteen ever again.”

“Yeah, me neither.” She steps confidently in front of my chair and sits to my right, on Michael and Olivia’s beach blanket. The blanket is pink and, when folded up, looks like a piece of sliced watermelon. It’s such a clever blanket. She looks around at all the beachgoers and says, “You really are the only guy, the only dad, on the whole beach. Lucky you. But come on, wearing those mirrored sunglasses outs you as a total perv. Or a narc.”

My face fills with blood and heat, and I sputter into what’s supposed to be self-deprecating laughter but probably sounds like emphysema. Christ, I’m melting into my chair like I’m a bowl of ice cream. I’m embarrassed not because it’s clear she knows I’ve been… shall we say… ogling the teen lifeguards and beach Moms, but because my patheticness is so predictable and obvious.

Mortally wounded, I say, “No one says narc anymore. You’re so not hip. And sunglasses are the windows to the soul.”

She reaches across my lap and tickles my knee playfully. Her hand and forearm is soft and she smells like plums, or a sweat tea, or those purple flowers that used to grow along the fence at my grandparents’ house. I don’t remember the flowers’ real name, but Grammy called them her garden mums. And I don’t know why I’m thinking about Grammy’s flowers when I should be simultaneously enraptured and terrified by the not-so-innocent touch of a strange woman.

“My hubby, the dirty old man.” She holds her hands out and nearly shouts to the rest of the beach, “Stand back, ladies! He’s all mine!” She laughs at her own joke.

The Moms sharing the beach in our vicinity: they pretend to watch their toddlers running amuck on other people’s blankets and throwing sand (that fucking kid with the sharks on his bathing suit is such a pain in the ass, I seriously considered tripping him on the sly yesterday); or they bury their faces in magazines and beat-up paperbacks they bought at the grocery store; or they look at the pond pretending to be intently watching their kids ignore and give attitude to the swimming instructor; or they blankly look up at the blue sky for the clouds that will one day approach. I’m not being paranoid (okay, I am), but they don’t look at me and certainly don’t look at the woman. I swear they’re actively avoiding looking at us. I feel them not looking at me, which of course means they are judging me, saying in their heads we don’t know you, and we may not have ever met her, but we know she’s not your wife. I know better, but, goddamn me, it’s not an entirely unpleasant feeling…

 


Paul Tremblay is the author of the novels The Little Sleep, No Sleep Till Wonderland, Swallowing a Donkey’s Eye, the cowritten YA novel Floating Boy and the Girl Who Couldn’t Fly (with Stephen Graham Jones) and the short story collection In the Mean Time. His essays and short fiction have appeared in the Los Angeles Times, FiveChapters.com and Best American Fantasy 3. He is the coeditor of four anthologies, including Creatures: Thirty Years of Monsters (with John Langan). Paul is the president of the board of directors for the Shirley Jackson Awards. He lives outside of Boston, Massachusetts, has a master’s degree in mathematics, has no uvula, loves his friends, and hates his many enemies.

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Teasers to Lovecraft: Nadia Bulkin

Letters to Lovecraft is our newest genre-blending anthology of original fiction, and as a holiday treat to our readers we’ll be posting excerpts from each of the stories. We started this series with a Brian Evenson story about how you really, really can’t go home, but Nadia Bulkin’s “Only Unity Saves the Damned” poses the opposite problem: what happens when you can’t leave in the first place? Sleepy hometowns can be like snares, tightening around you even as you try to escape, and sometimes growing up in these places can blind you to the all-too-real horror that surrounds you, pressing closer and closer…


“Dude, are you getting this?”

Rosslyn Taro, 25, and Clark Dunkin, 25, are standing in the woods. It’s evening — the bald cypresses behind them are shadowed, and the light between the needles is the somber blue that follows sunsets — and they are wearing sweatshirts and holding stones.

“It’s on,” says the voice behind the camera. “To the winner go the spoils!”

They whip their arms back and start throwing stones. The camera pans to the right as the stones skip into the heart of Goose Lake. After a dozen rounds, the camera pans back to Rosslyn Taro and Clark Dunkin arguing over whose stone made the most skips, and then slowly returns to the right. Its focus settles on a large bur oak looming around the bend of the lake, forty yards away.

“Hey, isn’t that the Witching Tree?”

Off camera, Clark Dunkin says, “What?” and Rosslyn Taro says, “Come on, seriously?”

“You know, Raggedy Annie’s Witching Tree.”

The girl sounds too shaky to be truly skeptical. “How do you know?”

“Remember the song? ‘We hung her over water, from the mighty oak tree.’ Well, there aren’t any other lakes around here. And First Plymouth is on the other side of the lake.” The camera zooms, searches for a white steeple across the still water, but the light is bad. “‘We hung her looking over at the cemetery.’”

The camera swings to Rosslyn Taro, because she is suddenly upset. She is walking to the camera, and, when she reaches it, shoves the cameraman. “Bay, shut up! I hate that stupid song. Let’s just go, I’m getting cold. Come on, please.” But Clark Dunkin is still staring at the tree. His hands are shaking. Rosslyn Taro calls his name: “Lark!”

The camera follows Clark Dunkin’s gaze to the tree. There is a figure standing in front of it, dressed in a soiled white shift and a black execution hood. The figure reaches two pale, thin hands to the edge of the hood as if to reveal its face. And then the camera enters a topspin, all dirt and branches and violet sky, as the cameraman begins to run. Rosslyn Taro is heard screaming. Someone — the cameraman, or possibly Clark Dunkin — is whimpering, as if from very far away, “oh, shit, oh, shit.”

And then the video abruptly cuts to black.

For the rest, get Letters to Lovecraft from Stone Skin Press.

 


Nadia Bulkin writes scary stories about the scary world we live in. Two of her stories have been nominated for Shirley Jackson Awards, and one won the 2010 ChiZine Short Story Contest. It took her two tries to leave Nebraska, but she has been in Washington, D.C., for three years now. She works in research and tends her garden of student debt sowed by two political science degrees. For more, see nadiabulkin.wordpress.com.

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Teasers to Lovecraft: Brian Evenson

Letters to Lovecraft is our newest genre-blending anthology of original fiction, and as a holiday treat to our readers we’ll be posting excerpts from each of the stories. First up is Brian Evenson’s “Past Reno,” a piece that takes us on an increasingly disquieting drive through the wastelands of the desert, and the mind…


Bernt began to suspect the trip would turn strange when, on the outskirts of Reno, he entered a convenience store that had one of its six aisles completely dedicated to jerky. At the top were smoked-meat products he recognized, name brands he’d seen commercials for. In the middle was stuff that seemed local, with single-color printing, but still vacuum packed and carefully labeled. Along the bottom row, though, were chunks of dried and smoked meat in dirty plastic bags, held shut with twist ties, no labels on them at all. He wasn’t even certain what kind of meat they contained. He prodded one of the bags with the toe of his sneaker and then stared at it for a while. When he realized that the clerk was staring at him, he shook his head and went out.

I should have known then, he thought hours later. At that point he should have turned around and driven the half mile back into Reno and gone no further. But, he told himself, it was just one convenience store. And it wasn’t, he tried to convince himself, really even that strange. It just meant people in Reno liked jerky. So, instead, he shook his head and kept driving.

It was the first time he’d left California in a decade. His father had died, and he’d been informed of it too late to attend the funeral, but he was driving to Utah anyway, planning to be there for the settling of the estate, whatever was left of it. He was on his own. His girlfriend had intended to come along and then, at the last moment, came down sick. What it was neither of them were quite sure, but she couldn’t stand without getting dizzy. To get to the bathroom to vomit, she had to crawl. The illness had lasted three or four hours and then, just as suddenly as it had come, it was gone. But she had refused to get in the car after that. What if it came back? If it had been bad while she was motionless, she reasoned, how much worse would it be if she was driving? He had to admit she had a point.

“Do you even need to be there?” she had asked him. “Won’t they send you your share wherever you are?”

Technically, yes, that was true, but he didn’t trust his extended family. If he didn’t go, they’d find a way to keep him from what he deserved.

She shook her head tiredly. “And what exactly do you deserve?” she asked. Which was, he had to admit, a good question. “And didn’t your father tell you never to come back?”

He nodded. His father had. “But he doesn’t have any say,” he said. “He’s dead now.”

But in any case she had not come with him. And maybe, he thought now as he drove, his girlfriend’s illness — miles before Reno — was the first indication the trip would turn strange. But how could he have known? And now, well past Reno, already having gone so far, how could he bring himself to turn around?

For the rest, get Letters to Lovecraft from Stone Skin Press.

 


Brian Evenson is the author of more than a dozen books, including, most recently, the novel Immobility and the short story collection Windeye. Three times he has been a finalist for a Shirley Jackson Award, and he is the recipient of an International 276 Horror Guild Award for his collection The Wavering Knife. His novel Last Days won the American Library Association’s award for best horror novel of 2009. He lives and works in Providence, Rhode Island, with his wife Kristen Tracy and their son Max.

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Letters to Lovecraft

Letters to Lovecraft

EIGHTEEN WHISPERS TO THE DARKNESS

‘The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.’

So begins H. P. Lovecraft’s essay “Supernatural Horror in Literature,” arguably the most important analysis of horror ever written. Yet while hordes of writers have created works based on Lovecraft’s fiction, never before has an anthology taken its inspiration directly from the literary manifesto behind his entire mythos…until now.

Like cultists poring over a forbidden tome, eighteen modern masters of horror have gathered here to engage with Lovecraft’s treatise. Rather than responding with articles of their own, these authors have written new short stories inspired by intriguing quotes from the essay, offering their own whispers to the darkness. They tell of monsters and madmen, of our strange past and our weirder future, of terrors stalking the winter woods, the broiling desert, and eeriest of all, our bustling cities, our family homes.

Corresponding with the darkness are:
Kirsten ALENE • David Yale ARDANUYASAMATSU Ken
Nadia BULKIN • Chesya BURKE • Brian EVENSON
Gemma FILES • Jeffrey FORD • Orrin GREY
Stephen Graham JONES • Robin D. LAWS • Tim LEBBON
Livia LLEWELLYN • Nick MAMATAS • Cameron PIERCE
Angela SLATER • Molly TANZER • Paul TREMBLAY

Author and first-time editor Bullington (The Folly of the World) explores macabre maestro H.P. Lovecraft’s enduring legacy in this deeply satisfying anthology. … The stories in this essential compilation are as diverse as the contributors, and together they form a wonderful confluence of criticism and creativity.

Publishers Weekly (Starred Review)

There is a lot of Lovecraftian ephemera out there and sometimes it can be difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff. Letters to Lovecraft strikes me as an intelligent attempt to do something different and as such should be applauded…It is the first time that I have come across Stone Skin Press, but based on the evidence presented here, it is not going to be my last.

SFF World

Pub Date: 1 December 2014
ISBN-13: 9781908983107
Price: £8.99/£13.99
Format: B Format – 198x129mm
Binding: Paperback
Extent: 280 pages
ebook: Included

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Announcing the Letters to Lovecraft Roster of Contributors

Back in February we announced our newest anthology, Letters to Lovecraft, but we only leaked a few of the names attached. Now, on the 124th birthday of the man himself, we are pleased to announce the full list of contributors. Hailing from across four continents, here then are the eighteen modern masters of weird horror whose stories will appear in Letters to Lovecraft:

Brian Evenson
Nadia Bulkin
Paul Tremblay
Livia Llewellyn
Stephen Graham Jones
Tim Lebbon
Cameron Pierce
Asamatsu Ken
Jeffrey Ford
Angela Slatter
Gemma Files
Chesya Burke
Orrin Grey
David Yale Ardanuy
Kirsten Alene
Robin D. Laws
Molly Tanzer
Nick Mamatas

As laid out in the original press release, these authors have written stories in direct response to quotes they selected from Lovecraft’s essay “Supernatural Horror in Literature.” An essay may sound like an unlikely place to find inspiration for fiction, but if you’ve read the piece you know that it encapsulates the literary philosophy behind Lovecraft’s Mythos. This unique approach to engaging with the Gentleman of Providence yielded eighteen wildly different tales, with the one constant amongst them being a commitment to exploring the furthest reaches of weird horror. When the anthology launches in October we hope that you will explore Letters to Lovecraft for yourself–the book is now available for pre-order here, and will be released on December 1st.

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Stone Skin on the Rocks, Round 8: Of Rum and Rhum

Welcome to another installment of Stone Skin on the Rocks, our weekly column where our authors provide a liquid pairing suggestion for their short fiction. This week brings us an entry from Jesse Bullington, who’s not afraid to refer to himself in the third person. While Bullington has worn more than one hat for Stone Skin Press over the years, today entry focuses on the first story he published with us, which appears in The New Hero Volume 2.

I’ve been a fan of (in)famous NYC photographer Arthur “Weegee” Fellig for years, and writing a weird story that payed homage to his unique voice seemed like a gas. While he’s the narrator of my story “Saturday’s Children,” he may not actually be the hero…

When settling on a drink to pair with the story, I initially considered a gin cocktail, since our narrator is sipping one at the start of the tale. As I re-read the story, however, I realized I’d screwed up–Weegee tells us he’s drinking a Rickey, but from the description we can tell he’s clearly drinking a Gin Fizz. Maybe he had one too many at the Carousel before putting his thoughts down on paper? Whatever the cause of the mix-up, I decided this was a sign to direct this column toward the other obvious choice: rum, or even better, rhum.

Why is this the other obvious choice? Because it figures prominently into the practices of Claire Simons, a fictional character who plays the Vodoun priestess Holmes to Weegee’s shutterbug Watson. Why the H in that rum? Because “rhum” short for “rhum agricole,” which is rum that is distilled only from the juice of the sugar cane, as opposed to molasses, which is more common. Just as all Scotch is whisky but not all whisky is Scotch, so is all rhum rum, but not all rum is rhum. Ruuuuuuuuum.

Rhum is probably Haiti’s most popular export, other than Vodou, and the link between the two was not something invented to suit this story. Baron Samedi, the loa summoned by Mrs. Simons, is very partial to strong liquor, and so she keeps overproof rhum on hand for when she summons him (as well as a good cigar). The Baron drinks his rhum straight, and so should we, for despite its good name being dragged through the gutter by certain dubious pirate captains, quality rums are every bit as nuanced and sippable as fine Scotches. Well, okay, maybe you don’t have to knock it back neat like the Baron does: a little ice is acceptable, and a touch of lime if the spirits so move you.

As for what rum to use in particular, the thirsty reader is spoiled for choice. Rhum Barbancourt is far and away Haiti’s best known rhum, and with good reason: available at a variety of different ages and priced to please, both their 4 year old and 8 year old offerings are great introductory rhums. If you are trying to curry the favor of a loa you’ll want something stronger, though, preferably Clairin, which is Haitian moonshine. Don’t feel bad if you can’t scare any up, though–even our mambo Mrs. Simons can’t score any in the story, and has to make do with overproof rum from another island.

Mrs. Simons calls her rum Babash, which is overproof homemade rum from Trinidad and Tobago (among other islands). It’s such a ferocious spirit it’s been outlawed across the board, but thankfully for us Trinidad and Tobago do export several lovely rums, some of them from the House of Angostura. That name ought to ring a bell for any self-respecting tippler, as Angostura Bitters are a staple in any bar. They present a slightly different range of ages than Rhum Barbancourt, but not being distilled purely from the sugar cane itself, Angostura has many rums but no rhum.

Whether or not the illicit Babash mentioned by Mrs. Simons is a rhum or merely a rum is a moot point, as she doesn’t actually possess the spirit she thinks she does. Scoring overproof island rum in the 1940s was a tricky business, even in New York, and so while Mrs. Simons believes her supplier when he tells her the rhum is moonshine from Trinidad, it is actually sourced much closer to her Haitian homeland: Jamaica. The tell is when Baron Saturday samples the bottle and pronounces the hooch to be Jankro Batty, which is illicit Jamaican rum alleged to be so powerful it will singe your nose hairs.

This brings us to our final suggestion, an overproof Jamaican rum called Smith & Cross. At 57% alcohol, it qualifies as a “Navy Strength” tipple, but is still a far cry from the rumored potency of the island’s Batty. This one should be attempted only in small doses, for obvious reasons! Had I more time, I’d wax philosophical on the glories of Ti Punch, but since I’m rum-rambled long enough I’ll leave you all in the capable hands of David Wondrich. Cheers!

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Stone Skin on the Rocks, Round 7: Down and Dirty in the Deep South

Welcome to another installment of Stone Skin on the Rocks, our weekly column where our authors provide a liquid pairing suggestion for their short fiction. This week brings us an entry from S.J. Chambers, whom you can find on both her website and facebook, in addition to the pages of The New Gothic:

While there is a lot of smoking in “Dive in Me,” there is very little libation. Even so, I am certain the three girls in this story were no strangers to drink. Because it was the 90s, and they were underage and flat broke, more than likely their poison came with a screwcap in a 32 ounce glass bottle.  Less Than Jake sang “malt liquor tastes better when you’ve got problems,” and the Morai in this story have plenty of those.

Malt Liquor. While we discuss it like its in some other category from beer, it is actually a lager made of malted barley with corn as the fermenting sugar. Because that which gives malt liquor its high alcohol content is also subsidized, it is blessed by the trinity of teenage drinking: it’s smooth, it’s cheap, and it’s strong.

Malt liquor was an icon of the 90s. Not only was it referenced in every major rap album from Ice Cube to Snoop Dogg, it was a staple of punk rock as well. Despite its hardcore associations, I think what made malt liquor popular was its practicality. You only needed one 32 to yourself, and before you were half way through a pizza and episode 5 of Star Wars, you were gone daddy gone barfing in a grocery bag. The needs were simple and were simply met. You got more drunk for your buck (literally, a 32 back then cost like a buck fifty), and that was all there was to it. Fun times.

But, hold up. You keep saying 32. Doesn’t malt liquor typically come in 40 ounce bottles, hence its nickname “the forty”?

It does everywhere but in the Sunshine State where “Dive in Me” is based, and where my co-author Jesse Bullington and I grew up.  In Florida, liquor laws forbid brews to be sold in anything over 32 ounces making a 40 mythical. If you managed to wrap your hand around one, it would be because you had friends in low Georgia-line places with fake IDs and a car.

Regardless of 32 or 40, there are a lot of malt liquors to choose from at your nearest convenience store.  While Colt 45 is the most recognizable, it is also the most foul. Old English 800 was what I remember downing back-in-the day. Since then, I’ve become fond of King Cobra. Hailing from Busch, it is the most palatable of the malt liquors. One can imagine it has a cider-like taste, but the imagination can be a tricky thing. The bottle is easy to grip and sip from, and most importantly it has a 6% ABV rating. But remember, malt liquor is about simple needs, so any of it will do just about as fine as another.

So grab a neck, crack open THE NEW GOTHIC, and make sure to spill some for all the poor souls in this anthology, especially the foul-mouthed adventuresses in “Dive in Me.”

There you have it, Stone Skinners–and remember, when it comes to malt liquor, slurp, don’t sip! Tune in next week when we will almost definitely have a classier recommendation…

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